Identity Crisis
by Starlit Skyline
Summary: In which Snape gets mistaken for Batman.
1. Part One

**AN: Just this silly little idea I got a while back. Does anyone else out there think Snape would dress up in a Batman costume? He already has the cape...**

**Disclaimer: As always, I don't own this.**

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><p>Identity Crisis, Part 1<em><br>_

When Harry was nine years old his cousin, Dudley Dursley, went to America to spend two weeks with his Aunt Marge. Of course Marjorie hadn't even remembered her other nephew, so Harry was left alone with his Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon for those two weeks.

It should have been better, it should have given Harry some time to relax – at least he'd hoped so – but it was actually the complete opposite. Without anyone to mother, Petunia had become flustered and anxious, her thoughts often wondering about her "sweet, sensitive little darling" and if they were treating him right out there. Vernon, on the other hand, was taking his time to unwind and dump even more chores on his scrawny nephew, going so far as to even call it _entertainment_.

Those two weeks had been quite a hellish time for Harry but, he amended, at least Dudley wasn't there to add to his suffering.

When Dudley _did_ return, Harry hadn't been sure if he should have been feeling dread or relief. His cousin stepped into his house with his chest puffed out and his chubby stomach hanging, acting like an explorer or a war hero who'd just returned home. Aunt Marge and Uncle Vernon took out all the luggage from Aunt Marge's car while Aunt Petunia fussed over her little boy while hugging him and even shedding a few tears.

The sight made Harry decidedly uneasy and wondering if his Aunt would hug him if he went away for two weeks. He almost laughed at the idea. She'd probably get angry and asked him why he couldn't have stayed away for an entire month. Or forever.

Harry sighed. If only he could.

His wistful thinking had been interrupted by a suitcase smacking him square in the chest and Uncle Vernon's voice snapping at him to get the bags up to Dudley's room. Obediently, he'd done just that.

When all the boxes and suitcases were up in Dudley's room and Vernon had ordered Harry to stay on the top floor if he knew what was good for him, Harry turned to leave his cousin's room, only to have something smack into the back of his head.

Harry turned to him in question.

"A gift for you, freak." said Dudley, smiling a smile of a true bully. "They say it's really dark and gory."

Harry blinked and then looked down at the object that had struck him. On first glance, it looked like some ordinary magazine, but on second glance Harry saw what it really was. A comic book.

Bending down he picked it up, examining it. It's cover was dark and looked generally uninviting with the word _Batman_, written at the top in a yellow oval. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"There's a few more in that box over there. I picked them especially for you." Dudley's sly, almost sing-song voice – that was terribly off key – drifted over the room. Harry knew the last part had been a lie, he'd probably bought them at a flee market, maybe a garage sale. He wouldn't have wasted good money on his freaky, defective cousin.

Harry took an unsure step forward, then another.

He wasn't sure why Dudley was doing it – he said it was gory? So, was he trying to traumatize him? No, Dudley wasn't nearly as clever as that – but he'd take what he could get.

Later that night, in the safety of his little cupboard under the stairs, Harry fished out his flashlight.

He didn't read much, as the Dursleys never bought him books and Dudley didn't like to read so there were no books to be thrown at him when his cousin was done with them. His curiosity had been gnawing at him all day. He wanted to know what was hidden between those dark covers.

That night, Harry Potter stepped into the dark, twisted and wonderful world of Batman and Robin.

At first, the comics had scared them with their dark stories but when Bruce Wayne adopted Richard Grayson, Harry knew he wouldn't be letting go of these comics for a while. He read and read, and though sometimes he got scared or freaked out or sad, there were moments documented in those pages that were worth all the bad stuff.

He marked his favorite pages – and then the best chapters – and read them over whenever he was feeling down or whenever the Dursleys looked him in his cupboard for this reason or that.

Robin kept him company when he was lonely, recounting jokes and thinking up new ways to decimate the English language while Batman hid somewhere in the shadows, watching and protecting innocents from crazy villains.

Like Two-Face, who could be played by Uncle Vernon – since his face could go from it's pudgy pink to red and purple in a blink of an eye sometimes. And Aunt Petunia could play Joker! She _was_ awfully frightening when she went overboard with her make up. Harry wasn't sure what Dudley could be, maybe... a giant, evil walking hamburger?

Still, Harry knew those fantasies weren't real. They couldn't replace the real thing. They couldn't be his parents or his friends and they certainly couldn't rescue him from his life with the Dursleys.

But oh, how he wished they could.

It was because of his admiration and love for the imaginary hero and his young side-kick that Harry embarrassed himself so thoroughly on his first day of Hogwarts. This event might have been avoided if only the esteemed Potions Master of Hogwarts had been present for the Opening Feast and not on business for Dumbledore.

Unfortunately, he was – and that's why on his first school day, in his first Potions class, when Professor Snape entered with the usual theatrical _bang! _of the door Harry Potter sat dumbfounded, blinked and than sprang to his feet faster than it took Dudley to inhale a strawberry fruitcake and let his face break out into the biggest grin that had ever graced his face in his short life.

"_Batman!"_

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><p><strong><em>Comments? I'd love to hear them!<em>**


	2. Part Two

**AN: Well, here's the second part. I just couldn't help myself, this is just so fun to write. The Slytherins aren't mentioned here, by the way, since they're all pure-bloods so I don't think any of them would even know what Harry was talking about. I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Identity Crisis, Part 2<p>

„What?" that was the first thing Severus Snape managed to utter after the absolutely unexpected interruption of his lesson – and he hadn't even begun his „firsh year" speech yet, a new record – and what a surprise, Potter was his culprit. The boy certainly didn't waste time.

How so much like his father already.

Shaking his head, Snape repeated his question, more composed this time „What was that, Mister Potter?"

The boy had enough decency to look ashamed – and embarrassed – of what he'd done. A good actor, then, but he wouldn't be able to fool Severus.

„Uh, um, nothing, sorry, Sir," Potter stuttered.

Snape frowned „No, it was not nothing. What did you call me?"

Normally, he wouldn't have asked. The students insulted him enough as it was, though mostly they didn't dare do it while in his classroom. Potter was arrogant enough, then, to insult a grown man on his own terrain. Well, two could play that game...

Harry continued to shake his head, suddenly flustered and a wild blush spreading across his face. A splash of panic in his green eyes, so bright and reflective Severus could almost see Lily in them. He took note not to look at them too much.

„I'm sorry," Harry apologized, rambling slightly „I shouldn't have. It's a secret, after all."

If he weren't a spy and had complete control over every inch of his body, Severus might have blinked at that. He might have, too.

„A secret?" the teacher asked at length. The other students – the ones who considered themselves sane and very much wanted to live – shrank back in their seats. Severus paid them no mind, choosing instead to straighten in his seat, lean on his elbows on the desk. „And... how do you know this "secret"?" he asked, cautiously, this was Potter he was dealing with, after all.

The boy blinked, his lids hiding green eyes for half a second. „Um... everyone knows it, Sir." he revealed, uncertain. Well, it seemed the spy was out of the loop, thought the Potions Master, and that was a dangerous place for him to be, especially when it involved any kind of Gryffindors, firsh-years or not.

Severus raised an eyebrow at the insolent answer – he knew he could never beat Minerva's „eyebrow of doom" but he liked to think his „eyebrow of disgruntled loathing" was useful in its own right.

„Indulge me."

The boy looked his in the eye for a moment, searching and Severus dearly wished he could scorch him just with his gaze, before nodding to himself. The eleven-year-old had apparently found what he was looking for. Finally, he asked „Um... are you Batman, Sir?"

Severus heard a few snickers in the back of the room – from a couple of muggle-born Gryffindors, if he wasn't mistaken – and ignored them.

„Am I what?" he demanded. What in the name of Merlin was a _Batman_? No, no, he didn't want to know. With his luck, it was a word Potter had invented just for him. How quaint.

The boy flinched at the tone.

„B-ba-bat-?"

„Quit your snivelling Potter, it's disgusting."

The first-year gulped, but held back any potential waterworks „Sorry, Sir."

Severus nodded icily. He wasn't being paid to whipe buggers.

„Now, answer the question."

Again, Potter hesitated. The classroom had fallen deathly silent, so much so you could have dropped a pin and heard it, but Severus was only interested in hearing one thing.

„Are you the Dark Knight?"

That wasn't it.

But now he at least knew the insult hadn't been tailor-maid.

He was still going to get to the bottom of this.

„As in?" the former Death Eater prompted.

The boy looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but in here. Too bad for him then, he was stuck in the dungeons.

„The Caped Crusader?"

Snape decidedly liked the first one better.

„What exactly are you asking, Potter?" Snape, suppressing the urge to sigh, finally asked outright.

„Do you..." Potter hesitated „go out in the night to terrorize bad people?"

Snape said nothing. He seemed to have been shocked into silence.

Instantly, Harry regretted his lack of tact. He regretted asking even more. This was _Batman _he was speaking to, of course he'd be furious if Harry blurted out his secret in a room crowded with people. Blabber-mouths, no less. He was so dead.

Someone might have laughed, if it hadn't been for the murderous atmosphere that suddenly filled the classroom.

Minerva's „eyebrow of doom" couldn't have held a candle to the expression on Severus's face.

„Ah." the Potion's Master intoned after a while. No one seemed to care that they'd already wasted more than half of their first lesson. Harry fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.

Severus breathed in, breathed out. Reminded himself that Dumbledore would have have his head if he had Potter's.

„Mister Potter, I expect to see you in my office after class."

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><p>„Will you be okay, mate?" Ron asked the moment class was over. His blue eyes darted nervously to the teacher's desk, where Snape was seated. For once, he hadn't roamed the classroom, looming over innocent students like – for lack of better word – a bat.<p>

... on second though, why hadn't anyone before Harry Potter seen the resemblance? Ron certainly didn't know who this „Batman" bloke was, but if he wore an outfit with too many buttons and billowing capes, liked to break down doors and stalked people in the middle of the night, then he and Snape might have been related.

He should ask what mental hospital the bloke was at, maybe they'd have an idea on how they could deal with Snape.

Harry waved his concern off, but it was obvious he was nervous „Yeah, I'll be fine."

„What was that all about Harry?" Ron asked. He'd wanted to ask earlier, but there'd been too many gossipers still present in the room. Everyone in school was going to be talking about this. If Harry Potter hadn't been popular before, than he certainly would be now. „You mistook him for someone or something?" Ron ventured.

Harry shrugged, grabbing his books and turning to the desk. He began to walk down the row of desks like a man leading himself to execution.

„I don't know, but I think I just found Batman's evil twin." he called over his shoulder. That, or this Batman hadn't found his Robin.

Yet.

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><p><em><strong>Review?<strong>_


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